The Trouble With Men
by Rhianwen
Summary: A particularly pointless little story in which Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu discuss the imperfections of their love-lives over ice cream.


The Trouble With Men

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Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Final Fantasy 10, which belong to Square Whatever-They-Are-Now.

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Summary: While meeting over ice cream, Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu discuss the imperfections in their respective love lives.

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The atmosphere in With a Cherry On Top, Spira's largest and most popular ice cream parlour, was warm, cheerful, and very, very sugar-buzzed. Small children, medium-sized children, large children, and full-fledged grown-ups alike had dropped by the large, airy shop with its black and white checkered tile floors, its red and turquoise vinyl seats, and its staff, all garbed in white aprons and silly white hats, to pass a warm, balmy summer evening. Shouts and laughter, the banter of friends, and the excited squeals of children with enough sugar in their systems to kill a horse, wound an elephant, and mildly irritate a whale, filled the air.

The young woman in the booth in the southwestern corner of the shop, however, was less cheerful as she heaved a long sigh, her eyes lingering on the backs of two happy young people, their arms about each other as they shared a banana split, from the same spoon. This was something of a feat, as their arms being around one another gave them each one less arm with which to maneuver the ice cream from the bowl to their mouths. In front of Yuna, her own Double Brownie Fudge Pecan Delight gradually melted, becoming a soupy mess that began to overflow from the heavy cut-glass compote bowl.

"I wish Tidus was here," she murmured, eyes beginning to fill with tears.

Just as they were about to spill over, though, the bells above the door gave a cheery jangle, and another customer bounded into the shop, blonde hair waving merrily in the breeze created by the customer's extreme exuberance for merely being alive.

"Hi, Yuna!"

"Oh, hi, Rikku," Yuna returned with a small sad smile as the younger girl slid into the booth across from her.

"Aw, what's wrong? How can you be sad in a place with this much sugar?"

"I was just thinking about Tidus," Yuna confessed, poking half-heartedly at a pecan floating around within the chocolaty swamp.

Rikku nodded understandingly, her eyes wide and suspiciously moist.

"Yeah, I keep thinking about Auron, too."

Yuna frowned.

"I didn't know you liked him."

"Yeah," Rikku sighed, both dreamily and sadly. "He was just so…gruff, and…curmudgeoney. And old. I dig that, you know."

Yuna may have replied, or may have thought better of it, had the bells above the door not taken that moment to give another jangle, heralding the arrival of yet another new customer.

Belts clacking together at the buckles, the customer made their way over to the booth, running a hand through dark hair.

"Hi, girls."

"Hi, Lulu," Rikku and Yuna greeted together.

Lulu looked strangely at them as she slid into the booth next to Yuna.

"What's wrong with you two?"

"We're just thinking about Tidus," Yuna replied, lip quivering ever so slightly.

"I'm not," Rikku pointed out. "I'm thinking about Auron."

"I…see," Lulu said, shooting Yuna a "what's-she-talking-about" sort of look.

"Rikku just told me she used to really like Auron," Yuna informed Lulu aside.

Lulu was silent for a moment, digesting this.

"Oh."

Before she could say anything more, an adolescent boy with an apron, a white hat, and an expression quite like that of someone who had died and gone to heaven, approached the table.

"Hello, ladies," he said in what might have been intended to be a suggestive drawl, but was lost within the nervous cracking of the young man's voice. "What can I bring you?"

"I've already got mine," Yuna pointed out when he looked at her expectantly. Then, to illustrate, she pulled the spoon free of the soupy mess and licked it clean.

Then, ten minutes later, after the boy had recovered from his unconscious caused by lack of blood due to severe nosebleed despite the fact that Yuna's gesture had been entirely innocent, he turned to Rikku.

"Anything for you?"

"Yeah!" she chirped. "I'll get the Strawberry Chocolate Mega-Surprise!"

"Sure thing," the boy said enthusiastically, jotting it down.

"And put some rainbow sprinkles on that, okay?"

"Rainbow sprinkles," he repeated. "You got it."

Then he turned to Lulu, trying to surreptitiously enjoy the view afforded by a very, very low-necked dress.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn't quite surreptitious enough, and Lulu was very swift indeed. She gave him the sort of look that is usually reserved for especially disgusting, but not particularly dangerous insects, then lifted one hand, and then chanted a quick spell.

Seconds later, a ball of flame engulfed the unfortunate young waiter.

"Ow," he wheezed.

"Lulu, was that really necessary?" Yuna asked reproachfully.

"No," the older girl replied casually. Then she leaned over. "I'll have an iced tea, by the way," she informed the charred remains of the waiter on the floor.

"Okie-dokie," he groaned painfully, a hand snaking up into view over the edge of the table, and making a thumbs-up. Or thumb-up, rather. "Iced tea. I'll get right on that."

Once the boy had gone, dragging himself back into the kitchen by his teeth, the only part that remained unharmed, the three girls continued their discussion.

"I guess I'll just never be lucky in love," Rikku sighed, chin cupped in her hands. "Until I meet a nice Al Bhed guy with a silly name and cool-looking hair."

"Me, neither," Yuna agreed sadly.

Lulu merely looked on in half-amused sympathy.

"I don't know what could be worse than the guy you like being dead," Rikku continued.

At this, Yuna looked up sharply.

"I do! The one you loved never having existed at all!"

"That's better than him being dead!"

"How is that better? At least you know he was alive once!"

"But…being in love with a dead guy? That's creepy! It's not so bad when you're in love with a guy that doesn't exist. I think they have a name for that, don't they, Lulu?"

"Yes," Lulu replied dryly. "Fan-girl."

"See, Yuna? Being a fan-girl isn't as bad as being in love with a dead guy."

"I still say it's just as bad, and I think I've been far unluckier in love than you, Rikku."

"Just because your guy never existed? My guy's dead!"

"And he'd probably have been very surprised to find out that he's 'your guy'," Lulu added, only to be completely ignored by both girls, who were embarking on a nearly heated argument.

Of course, considering that Yuna was half of said argument, it wasn't so much 'heated' as 'somewhat lukewarm'. A peaceful soul, that Yuna girl. In fact, within thirty seconds of the start of the almost-argument…

"I'm sorry, Rikku. Why are we fighting when we should be helping each other? We need each other's support now more than ever. Together, we'll overcome the pain of being in love with a man who was dead all along and a man who never existed in the first place."

"That's nice," Lulu said dryly. "Now that you two have reached an agreement, I have some news.

Both girls looked up curiously.

"It might be unfortunate timing to tell you this," Lulu continued, "given the…unfortunate circumstances of your own love lives, but I thought you would like to know. Wakka and I are going to be married in four months."

Yuna and Rikku sat, silent and dumbfounded, for several moments. Finally, Yuna gave the dark-haired girl an impulsive hug.

"We're so sorry, Lulu! Here we are, complaining about our love lives, and something like this happens to you! Why didn't you _tell_ us?!"

"Hey, waiter!" Rikku was meanwhile calling, leaning out of the booth. "Bring us a triple-fudge chocolate-chocolate chunk sundae, with extra whipped cream! We've got a girl here who really needs it!" Then she straightened up. "Yeah, Lulu, we're really sorry we didn't notice something was wrong right away!"

Throughout this barrage of rather oddly timed sympathy, Lulu had been all but struck dumb with bewilderment. Finally, she found her voice sufficiently to put to words the burning question filling her mind.

"What?!"

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End Notes: Hee! Okay, it was stupid. Very stupid. Please don't kill me! I couldn't resist!

And, while on no topic in particular, please don't take this as an indication that I hate Wakka. He was my favourite character in the game. I loved him to bits, and I wished I were Lulu. Well, not quite, but he was endlessly adorable, amusing, and altogether wonderful.


End file.
